His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she smelled like a LAN party
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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