my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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