I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
