Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
