I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
