So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
