She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
