Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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