i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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