You just made me feel so damn special
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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