No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
