I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
