Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I believe in your delicious
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
