I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
