it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
