I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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