I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
