I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
