so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
