If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
