Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
