There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
