He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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