friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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