There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
