sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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