ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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