Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
