i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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