I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
