Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
