So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This is my gift to your gina
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
