The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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