You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
