Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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