i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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