and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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