my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
