does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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