I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He shit in the fireplace
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
