just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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