and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
