Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
