marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
