btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
