I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
