well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
