Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
