what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
