toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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