can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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