My nipple is on Facebook.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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