Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
