I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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