Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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