i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize