Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
