I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
