Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
