Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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