You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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